Monday, June 2, 2014

The good, the bad, and the ugly.... That thing I stink at.

So…Summer School. I think it is a fun idea. I am excited and I think it fits perfectly with where my brain was already headed with this Hustle.

Working on that thing I stink at. That thing that makes my stomach get all knotted and yucky feeling. That thing that deep down inside that makes me feel like I am not up to the challenge ahead. Because that is really what it all comes down to isn’t it?That thing that make us question our worth. That is the thing we are most afraid of.

So time to just lay it all out there. Shine a light on the ugly thing we try to hide. Or on the thing we use as an excuse even if we never say it out loud.

Here is my beautiful ugly secret. I have ADHD. I don’t mean I may have ADHD. I don’t mean I get a little distracted. I mean I went to one of the most prominent neuropsychologist in the nation to be tested. He did three days of testing and then gave me his opinion. “The most clear cut case of Adult ADD I have ever diagnosed” There is nothing like being special LOL.

But to make it more special I am twice exceptional (gotta love the terms) I am Gifted with co-morbid Attention Deficit Disorder. Ain’t that special.  So I struggle with realizing I could do so much more but knowing I lack the focus to make it happen.

I would like to just take a moment for a side note here. If you are of the opinion that ADHD doesn’t exist or doesn’t exist in adults or is just a medical gimmick please keep your thoughts to yourself. I used to be one of you and I really don’t have it in me to argue about it anymore. I have accepted it but I don’t want to make a case for it.

So now that I have admitted all that out loud, I want to say that I (and most other ADHDers) have a very special gift. It is called Hyper-focus

It is true I have a hard time staying on track...but when something catches my attention yea buddy it is laser tight focus time. I forget to eat, forget to sleep, forget hygiene, forget to pick up my kids, forget we need dinner, forget ANYTHING else exists. Now trust me this really truly can be a gift (you wouldn’t believe how much I can accomplish) This means when I truly decide it is time to lose weight I eat, breath, and sleep whatever method I have decided on as long as that is my focus.

But it is also a curse because I eat, breath, and sleep that method until… yep until the next thing that catches my attention. Then that thing becomes the ONLY thing I think about and what mattered a month ago isn’t even on my radar.

This is why monthly hustles have both worked for me and haven’t worked for me. Because I don’t blend it all together well. Instead I move from one thing to the next leaving whatever the last thing was about 80% done. I am really good at 80% not so good at 100%.

So what do I stink at? I stink at pulling all the shiny things together into one big picture I can work on. And that is my summer hustle. Finding a way to juggle my short term hustle (getting healthy enough to truly live), with my long term hustle (stained glass studio on my little homestead), with real life (my house and my day job and my word of the year… community).

Wish me luck because this will be the biggest thing I have ever attempted.

But I should be fine cause I have a motto:
“Make a plan not an excuse!”